Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Maligayang Pasko

"Mababaon din sa limot," o di kaya "maghihilom rin sa katagalan." Sa pandinig parang kay hirap gawin. Parang kay hirap limutin ang sakit na idinulot ng kay tagal. Ngunit ang hindi alam ng kung sino man ang nagbibigay ng ganitong payo, at nang kung sino man ang makarinig, napakadali. Napakadaling isa-isantabi ang mga hinanakit upang ipagpaliban ang kagalingan.

Halos dalawang taon ang lumipas na hindi ko halos s'ya nakita o nakausap. Simple lang, umalis ako sa bahay ng walang paalam. Ang iniisip ko ng mga panahong iyon? Ayaw ko nang umabot sa pagkakataong masagot ko s'ya nang pabalang. Tama na ang isang beses na akala ko'y pagbubuhatan n'ya ako ng kamay. Umalis na ako sa bahay na 'di na magpang-abot ang aming galit.

Halos dalawang taon. Noong una'y hindi n'ya alam kung nasaan man kami ng aking kapatid. Sa katagalan malamang ay tinanong n'ya rin kay Mama. Ngunit di s'ya tumawag. Di n'ya na inusisa kung bakit. Marahil, Nainintindihan n'ya ang mga dahilan. Marahil, ayaw n'ya nang marinig.

Malinaw sa aking alaala ang huling pagkakataong s'ya'y aking nakita. Nakaupo ako sa harap ng computer. Madaliang tinatapos ang report ko para sa klase kinabukasan. Di ko namalayang pumasok s'ya sa pinto ng sala. Bago pa noon, marahil ilang buwan na rin ang nagdaan na di kami nagkita. Nagulat ako. Napatda. Ganoon din s'ya. Tila umagos ang panahon ngunit sa katunaya'y ilang sandali lamang ang lumaro sa aming pagitan. Ilang sandali ng katahimikan. Napansin kong para s'yang tumanda ng ilang taon. At bakas sa kanyang mukha ang bawat isa sa mga ito. Malumanay ang kanyang mata, na para bang may takot. bakit s'ya natakot sa akin? Gayong ako ang may pakiramdam ng takot at hiya sa kanya.

Napatigilan s'ya sa may pinto. Para bang ayaw nang tumuloy nang makitang ako ay nasa sala ng appartment na tinutuluyan ko at ng aking kapatid. Nakawala ako sa aking pagkagulat at naibulalas ang mahinang "Hi Pa." Di ko nakayanang ngumiti man lang. Tila nanigas ang bawat laman ng aking mukha. Tahimik s'yang lumapit sa akin at tiningnan ang monitor. "Tinatapos ko lang report ko para bukas."

Lumingon ako. Nakatingin sya sa aking ginagawa. May kung anong dahilan at inihain ko ang aking mukha sa kanya, at may kung anong dahilan na naintindihan n'ya na nais kong humalik. Tumungo ang aking tatay at dumampi ang labi ko sa kanyang pisngi. Na hindi ko ginawa ng halos dalawang taon. nanikip ang aking didbib ngunit di ako naluha. madaliang tumalikod ako at nagkunwa'y may tiningnan sa monitor. Lumayo s'ya at binuksan ang ref, kumuha ng tubig. "Susunduin ko lang ang mama mo." Ilang sandali pa ay dumating ang aking nanay, at saka sila na'y umalis. Iyon na ang huling sandaling nakapiling ko ang aking tatay.

Tatlong linggo ang dumaan mula ng gabing 'yon nang dahilan sa init ng ulo, at marahas na pagmamaneho ay sumalpok ang kanyang sasakyan sa may Edsa-Balintawak. Halos dalawang taon. Napakadaling makalimot ngunit paano kaya maghihilom? May mga bagay na aaakalaing hindi-hindi mapapatawad. Siguro ang pinakamahirap na dito ay ang salang ang magulang ay tao lamang. At ang magulang ay nagkakamali di lang minsan, kundi paulit-ulit. At sa pagmamatigas ng dibdib ng isang anak, ang ugnayang nawasak ay di na kailanman maitutuwid. Hindi saklaw ng pagpapatawad ang kabilang-buhay.

Sa ika-24 ng Disyembre ay kaarawan sana ni Papa. Isa na namang paskong wala na s'ya. Maligayang kaarawan at maligayang pasko.

(I posted this before, but its Christmas time again, so here it is. Some minor changes made.)

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Lovers' Quarrel

Fucking bitch won't let me in. She looks at me with her come-hither eyes and now she dares refuse entry. She must be outta her fuckin' mind. Now, now she deigns to raise her bowed head and lay her oh-so-precious eyes on me. Cunt. I swear she makes me hopping mad I could split her head in two. Like coconuts I used to climb for in my dewier youth. God, this broad is a tough not to crack. Ah, that's sorta funny. I even crack myself up.

"Please." Finally. An aria from her mouth. It's been some time since I heard her talk last. She wants a favor perhaps? If she only knew. I would do anything for her. Her lips are beautifully ripe. Red. So shiny and red. I bend down to sit in between her spread legs. Stray hair from her pony tail. Smooth locks. Heavenly smell. I could eat her alive tonight. Or tomorrow maybe. Just to keep her inside me. "You know I would do anything for you. You know that don't you?"

She bobs her head up and down twice. Ah, my beautiful princess knows. She knows she is my world.

"If you could untie me? Or even loosen these. I would feel a little better." Reasonable enough, her request. Maybe the ropes restrain her. Maybe, she wants to put her arms around me? Maybe, she wants to touch me? "Promise me something first. Let me in." My pulse quickens in anticipation. My darling beauty will finally grant me entrance to kingdom come. My precious delight.

A glaze spread over her pretty pupils, her mouth slightly agape. Uncomprehending. Stupid fucking cunt. She let me believe she understands. She let me believe she knows me. Lies. A pretty liar she is. Pretending to know me, to like me, to love me. She's spoken to me so many times. Pretending false concern.

"Hey. Would you be so kind as to hand me the mop? I'm closing up for the night. Chilly isn't it? You should bring a jacket. I see you shivering in your thin shirt."And now she's shivering too. Her nipples have long hardened in the night air.

A filthy liar is what you are. Who knew someone so scheming could be hiding behind those eyes? The same eyes that spoke to me, calling me, wanting me. But now you're here aren't you? You're here with me. No more lying now.

"Listen, I have a family waiting for me to come home. They know I'm always on time. They'll get worried. Maybe even call the police. Just. Let me go please. I haven't done anything to you."

You wound me with your denial. How cruel. I would offer you the world. A sound hisses in the chilly night air wafting through the broken windows of my palace. My knuckles cracking perhaps. Or a grunt espacing my throat.

"Please. Please let me go. I've done nothing to you. I won't tell anyone I promise. I'll quit. I'll find another job so we won't have to see each other." Why is my precious love shivering? Her lovely white throat now hidden in her hunch. Her long white thighs all a-quiver. I must warm her.

"That's not the way it works. You're here. And you're staying." I move closer to kiss. Closer. Closer to heaven I am. Her fragrance is coating my skin. Seeping inside. I am lost in her. My beauty. Knowing she's mine is making my head dizzy.

"Ahhh!!!! Fuck!!!!" Slap. SLAP. I imagine I'll lisp forever. My tongue. She cut my tongue. "Shut the hell up! Stop crying you sniveling little bitch. You stop now or I'll carve your pretty little tongue out." She's merciless. Her shrill shrieks are bouncing off the walls over and over and over, piercing my ear drums.

It has to end. One swift motion. The small light bulb overhead caught the glint of my arching steel. And finally blessed silence. Would that I could have kept her longer, my darling princess. They all do not last me very long, my beauties. Would that they could just love me and let me in.

Of course this is a work of fiction. Kind of pathetic really, I guess I'd have to do more research on how a nut actually thinks. But what the hey :) Been watching too much CSI.

Friday, November 19, 2004

Fire Flies

The house is all a-burning. I see it clearly in my head. The flames licking the wooden white walls, the smoke sifting out the windows, the bright orange halo overhead. There is cackling from inside, popping, crunching sounds of things burning. The linoleum floors, the washed-out rugs, the burnt oven-toaster. No screams, no piercing cries from within however. And so there is relief from all around. The firemen want everyone out of the way. They shove and shout and motion the bystanders to leave. But they stay, drawn to the light-show the house is putting on. It is a marvel looking at destruction. Courting death is a secret delight and there is a perverse need to stay on and watch.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Owing to the fact that oil prices are rocketing beyond imagination, I thought it appropriate to post a (edited) paper I wrote on the so-called energy crisis.

ENERGY: CRISIS OF UNCERTAINTY?


Introduction

The last fifty years has witnessed numerous conflicts rooted in oil politics. Oil’s finiteness, its role as the main fuel of industry and its concentration in select parts of the globe make for its volatile characteristic as a strategic resource. The quest to secure this resource has led to political and economic interventions where it is most abundant, in the Middle East.

Oil will continue to play a role in geopolitics, and exhaust the energies and preoccupations of the world’s powers as long as it remains the world economy’s main energy source.

The world consumed some 21.34 billion barrels of oil in 1960 (Annual Energy Review 2001 p. 297). This figure almost quadrupled by the turn of the century to 76.02 billion. World projections by the International Energy Agency for the next two decades see a continuation of this upward trend. Estimates of daily consumption by 2025 is a staggering 118.8 million barrels per day (IEO 2003 p. 185).

The figures for increase show a jump of 20 million from 1990-2025 in industrial countries alone. As the developing world proceeds on its path of economic development and industrialization their projected consumption will triple from 17.3 million barrels per day in 1990 to 50.7 million in 2025. See Reference Case Projections, EIA International Energy Outlook 2003 p. 185

These figures indicate enormous stresses on the world’s oil resources. The combined factors of the continued pursuit of the developing countries for industrialization and the sheer growth of world population most assuredly constitute increase in consumption.

But is there really crisis? Does crisis entail running out of this finite commodity? There is plenty of evidence to state otherwise.

Empirical evidence show that the world’s major producers have enough oil to fuel the world economy through the 21st century and beyond should current consumption patterns continue unabated. Wherein lies the problem then? The crisis stems largely from the insecurity of the Arab region, which shall continue to be the world’s largest oil producer. What exacerbate this volatility are the inherent significance of oil in world politics and the attendant interests of the world’s major international players.

Another factor aggravating the crisis is the difficulty of transition from the fossil fuel economy to more viable and sustainable (environment-friendly) alternatives.

Other energy fuels – coal, natural gas, nuclear and renewables – constitute 60% by volume of the world’s resources of commercial energy. No special concern however, attaches to the security of their supply or to their pricing (Fried & Tresize, 1993: 1).

Knowing that there exist other energy resources, this paper focuses on oil as it is not only the relatively cheapest, most preferred fuel of world industries but also owing to the fact of the instability of oil politics. Making ourselves familiar with trends in oil and the concomitant politics of the Middle East not only concerns us as students of international politics but as Filipino consumers. As a developing country with no, as of yet, substantial oil reserves, the fortunes of our economic development lie on our dependence on the Arab region’s exports and the precarious nature of oil markets.

The conditions of our migrant workers in the region should not be our sole concern but the eventual resolution of many of the political conflicts that have historically interrupted oil supplies and triggered price instability. Our motivations should be plain to see, as the consequences of such economic downturns hit us where it hurts the most, in our pockets.



Is There Shortage: The World’s Crude Oil Supply

See World Oil Markets

The table above provides us with the following information:

1. Substantial increase of oil production from Persian Gulf producers.
2. Doubling of oil production by other OPEC.
3. Stagnation of production by exporting industrialized countries.
4. Total world supply in 2025 meets projected world consumption (118.8 million barrels per day).
5. Persian Gulf producers account for almost 1/3 of total world production.

On the question of shortage, it is apparent that we shall not run out of this limited resource any time soon. What should concern us however is that the bulk of redeemable oil reserves still remains in the Persian Gulf. This is compounded by real American business, political and strategic interests in oil, “the US being the world’s largest producer, consumer and importer of energy (Stobaugh & Yergin 1979).”

Centrality of Oil in the World Economy and World Politics

Power struggles staged in the Middle East have significantly altered the fortunes and interests of not only those directly involved in the international oil system such as the oil companies and their governments and producer governments, but of every consumer in the world.
In fact, we may even argue that the hard-hitting impact in oil price increases affects each and every person in the planet remotely needing some form of energy or another.

The latter half of the 20th century is fraught with such struggles, from the two oil crises in the 70’s to the Gulf war in 1991, to the most recent US intervention in Iraq. American military engagement, no matter how quixotically couched in the language of freedom, democracy and the fight against evil, should be properly framed within the context of oil. Such substantial political, economic and financial energies expended by the world superpower luridly demonstrates the utmost significance of this energy source, not only to American interests but to the world economy as a whole.

Oil’s viability as a cheap energy source and American dominance in oil production in the Post World War II era installed the world’s current energy systems. Oil became the preferred fuel of industry and the discovery of vast oil fields in the Middle East fueled the postwar energy boom. Perhaps US oil hegemony, secure in its monopoly, contributed to world oil dependence and non-exploration of other energy sources. Western Europe and Japan, with no significant reserves of their own, showed no hesitance in heavy importation. “Early periods of energy growth had required relatively minor trade in fuels, but in the 50s and 60’s, countries that had virtually no oils of their own showed little hesitancy about shifting to an oil-based economy (Flavin & Jensen, 1995: 35).”

In fact, until the Oil Crisis of 1973, control of oil supply was securely in American hands. Five out of the seven major oil companies (7 Sisters) were American. The US government’s political backing from the very beginning of American oil ventures in the Arab region was palpable from the early 30’s up until today.

In 1945 the National Security Council indicated that “It is in our interest that this vital resource [Saudi Arabian oil] remains in American hands. (Stobaugh, 1979).”
Yet another illustration of government intercession was the American-backed installation of the Shah of Iran, which wrested control of Iranian oil from British Petroleum.

Arab Control: OPEC and the Power Shift

The quadrupling of oil prices from $2.48 to $11.65 per barrel in 1973 (Spero & Hart, 281) was the climax of the struggle for control of oil production from the hands of oil companies to national governments. Factors leading to American decline in dominance are; firstly, significant decrease of domestic production in the US itself (Stobaugh 1979, Fried & Tresize 1993, EIA 1996).



US crude oil and natural gas plant liquids has been declining since the early 1970’s from its 11.3 million barrels per day peak…The decline has occurred mainly because the US is the most mature producing region in the world, with over 3 million oil and gas wells completed since the first was drilled in Pennsylvania in 1859 (p. 67).

See US Crude Oil Imports: Growing Dependence, Energy Information Administration.

Aside from the increasing oil dependence of the OECD on imports, another factor which facilitated the shift was the increasing cooperation of the major exporting countries, then responsible for 80% of the world’s exports. The OPEC was spearheaded by Saudi Arabia, Iraq, Iran, Kuwait and Venezuela in 1960 (Al Sowayegh 1983: 33).

Their intentions in establishing the organization are clear.

The aims of the organization are as follows:

Article 2
A. The principal aim of the Organization shall be the co-ordination and unification of the petroleum policies of Member Countries and the determination of the best means for safeguarding their interests, individually and collectively.

B. The Organization shall devise ways and means of ensuring the stabilization of prices in international oil markets with a view to eliminating harmful and unnecessary fluctuations.


C. Due regard shall be given at all times to the interests of the producing nations and to the necessity of securing a steady income to the producing countries; an efficient, economic and regular supply of petroleum to consuming nations; and a fair return on their capital to those investing in the petroleum industry.

Article 3
The Organization shall be guided by the principle of the sovereign equality of its Member Countries. Member Countries shall fulfill, in good faith, the obligations assumed by them in accordance with this Statute.

Article 4
If, as a result of the application of any decision of the organization, sanctions are employed, directly or indirectly, by any interested company or companies against one or more Member Countries, no other Member shall accept any offer of a beneficial treatment, whether in the form of an increase in oil exports or in an improvement in prices, which may be made to it by such interested company or companies with the intention of discouraging the application of the decision of the Organization (http://www.opec.org, emphasis are my own).

The OPEC has used oil as a policy instrument in the past and it should not hesitate to do so in the future. They are equally aware of oil’s essential role in the world economy. It should not be misconstrued however, that they would unthinkingly raise oil prices without being constrained by market forces considerations. It is in their interest, specially the largest oil producers, to maintain the international economy’s stability as oil revenues are frequently re-invested in international banks located in Europe or North America. In any case, oil will be foremost in the organization and the members’ calculation of interests since for many, oil rents constitute a sizeable source of revenue.


Conclusion: Conditions of Crisis

See Projected Primary Energy Supply, World Energy Outlook 2003.

Alternative sources of energy and technologies are present and are possible candidates to power the world’s needs. But oil should continue to be the main exploitable resource.

Oil supplies and price stability will crucially hinge on Middle East politics. At present, the region continues to be a volatile hotbed of deep rooted conflicts whose resolutions are not foreseeable in the near future. US perceived dependence on Arab Oil contributes to their strategic plans for the Middle East. At the same time interest in Middle East politics should continue and interventions are likely as long as oil interests are at risk.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Funny thing, relationships are. When you're together for 2 days straight you get to a point where you just want to be rid of him so you can savor your own time and space. And when you know you won't see him for the next month you know it will be a painful experience, being far away from each other. Its weird being a "couple." Alone time is precious, but too much of it agony. How to find a precarious balance must be a mystery only succesful couples have unlocked. It hasn't been two full days and I'm already antsy. I don't know if its being with him I truly miss, or I've become allergic to feeling lonely.

Monday, November 08, 2004

The Ear-Piece Theory

I first came across the Ear-piece theory from an American blogger (whose url eludes me at the moment). Netizens are wondering if indeed Dubya sports an ear-piece every time he needs to talk to the press, hold conferences or address the public. Certainly during the Presidential debates, some quarters seem convinced that there is indeed a tell-tale "bulge" on Bush's back suggesting some sort of...device prompting him during the arguments.

A leading NASA scientist who normally spends his days analyzing and enhancing photo images sent across the depths of space by the Cassini and other space probes has turned his expertise to images of the president in his three debates. His conclusion: "George Bush is obviously wearing something -- probably a receiver of some kind -- under his jacket for each debate."

You will clearly see the pictures here. When questioned about said bulge in the morning show Good Morning America (the US version of Unang Hirit or Breakfast), Dubya laughed it off with; "I'm embarrassed to say it's a poorly tailored shirt."

Major newspapers hesitated to publish articles addressing said bulge for fear of influencing the results, so close to election time.

Isn't it strange how the United States' politics seem to be copying ours? They now have celebrities-turned-politicos, widely publicized allegations of government and business graft and corruption (Enron, Halliburton) and now a doozy, puppet, not-so-sharp president. Wow...isn't it a weird, weird world?


_________________________________________________________________________________

While I was cleaning up my room this morning I found two notebooks I scribbled on when I was a kid. I thought it might be fun to post some of the stuff I wrote when I hadn't a clue about the world, including the grammatical errors and mispellings. Please be kind. :)

October 7, 1994 (I was fourteen.)

The Floor

I step on the damned floor everyday. Days of school spent in tiredness. Marble floors, hard to scrub. Gray, white and black. I stare at the floor when I get a headache that pull my spine from my head. The neverending questions hurled by the sleeping monster at the front. Quaking in melancholy and waste. Slowly burning in the seat everyone owns. The wood that splinters the backside. Rashes develop and hurt. I stick my eyes on the floor. Glaring back with ferocity unqualed for a mind blank and frustrated. Like an empty room full of cobwebs, hanging on for dear life on the cracked walls. As I scrub and clean the damned.

October 28, 1994

Torment

Is this gut wrenching feeling the ed of me yet? Like a balloon slowly squeezing the air out. I feel like I'm being squashed, then left to die. Guilt, fear, worry, all mixed in one emotion I can't name. Why is it that life is so unfair? Like an unbalanced see saw with a thousand pound horse on the other side and an ant on the other. Dominating your brain are pictures of the past. Slowly eating at your conscience like a streetchild devouring a chocolate bar. Quick as a gust of wind I find solace in the arms of death, for I just cannot stand the torment.

February 1, 1995

Tying the Shoestring

I look at my feet
Way, way down
Old, worn and stinky
Flies swarm around
Looking for the thing that smells

All airy and cool
Open to all organisms
They feast on my shoe
Rotting furthermore
But the soles aren't there

Making no marks on the Sahara
Floating, not down
Jumping up, but never down
Grasping like a drowning person
I tied the shoestring
And staggered on...

There's lots more but I'll stop at this poem. My god. Reading the things I wrote ages ago...I didn't realize I was a disturbed kid. Hehehe :)


Sunday, November 07, 2004

An Underground Addiction

The underground is teeming with addicts, their eyes all aglow in pregnant expectation. They peruse the goods on display in barely contained excitement. They know, they KNOW they are within minutes of finding the perfect fix from among the abundant choices. And within the hour or two, to be consumed in complete nirvana in the privacy of their homes. The air is electric, an organized chaos, as bodies move in purposeful harmony among the many stalls of the underground.

They flock to the underground in select hordes, enthusiasts from among different walks of life. But owing to the priceyness of such addiction, minimum wage-earners would find it hard to make frequent visits. Yesterday I noticed young men, in their mid-twenties, looking for a particular joint. There were some older folks, middle-aged couples, perhaps looking for some spark back in their lives. There were two Frenchmen wanting some Asian flavor. A bit shocking was an Spokening-Dollar kid, certainly not older than ten, greedily pointing out his favorites to his accomodating parents. Then there was me and my boyfriend. What utter fiends we
were. Oh, and what a delight offered by the pirates in a certain Makati tower.

It never ceases to amaze me how tasteful film pirates have become in the last year or so. In the early days (roughly two years ago?) there were only the mainstream Hollywood flicks that came out before the commercial screening in cinemas. But these days the choices are so astoundingly varied you will find yourself lost in many underground delights for hours on end. And since there are also concerts by varied artists, including many foreign orchestras, I am told people from the Philharmonic are also among the regular patrons. High brow, low brow, they all flock to the underground.

People know their stuff, they ask for certain films or documentaries by name. They will shell out 6,000 pesos to have the complete 10-seasons of Friends. This country (and probably the whole Southeast Asian region) has become the mecca of illegaly traded films. Illicit business is booming because it is feeding this country's film-starved people who are sick with the usual stale American crap and the even more stale local versions.

Really, the films on offer are just astounding. My boyfriend's collection of Kurosawas, Hitchcocks and many other art house films has probably hit 100. My collection of French films is close to a dozen now. Without this illicit trade these films would never have found their way on Philippine shores. And since piracy seems to be good business, this obviously means there is demand. Filipinos want to see good movies, and they are willing to shell out at least 80 pesos to see them. And we wonder why the local film industry is dead and dying some more?

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Well folks, Dubya has won the US elections. God forbid four more years of the same ol' dung heap of a foreign policy he, his cohorts at Halliburton (among other beneficiaries of the military-industrial complex) and his spin doctors cook up. If only he weren't given the most influential public post on the planet. But he is. And roughly half of the US electorate has spoken. Some 60 million Americans want the rest of the world to suffer their war-monger President. What a sad, sad day it is. :(