Saturday, March 27, 2004

farewell to teacher

dearest teacher,

after i wrote you my short reply i looked up the crs website to see if u have courses next semester, and you don't. the idea of you leaving is still somewhat a vague notion in my head that isn't quite real. i suppose, the reality will sink soon enough as soon as you are no longer here.

i had taken for granted you staying since you'd taken the TWSC directorship. if i had known you had thoughts of leaving i would've taken one of your classes this semester. i had so looked forward to being in your state of the state class, i'd already downloaded the pdf course description from your webpage.

i will not ask the reasons why, i am sure you have been asked many times. i know it must be a difficult decision to make and so your reasons for leaving must outweigh those of staying.

you said, no eulogies. but i am afraid that is inevitable, for when you leave you take with you a force, something that has attracted your students, including me. when you leave, it will not only be a great loss to the department and the university of a great teacher but also of a great idea.

i cannot express to you how much you have influenced not only my academic life but my very reason for being. you have made the idea of being a professor not only attractive but worthy. you have demonstrated, not with your words but with your thoughts and example what it means to be in the vocation of teaching.

you have shown the importance of focus in scholarship and that you have given me guidance not so much that we would talk very often but your demands for more, for deeper explanations have made me want to do better. and seek much more satisfying (possible) answers to questions.

when you leave, i wish what you have left in us, your students, would stay. the continuous thirst for knowledge, for critique, for passion in these ideas we read in our books that at times seem figments of the imagination. you make them more real. the engagement in what it is you "profess." and your engagement of your students.

i cannot possibly express, gareth, all it is that you have taught me. i am only thankful, that i have had the blessing of knowing you even for such brief a time. all goods things must end i suppose. and like a brief shooting star, light must also fade.

i am sorry i cannot go to PG as i also have some more errands to run before i leave with my mom for canada. i will be at your party on thursday however. maybe we should all get soused.

i will miss you. and although you might visit once in a while, and we could continue communicating through e-mail, it will not be the same.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

there are days when no amount of comfort may be had from a cup of coffee or a stick of cigarette. there are nights when no soothing words from a friend or a caring touch can stop tears on the verge of falling. there are moments when no amount of changing scenes can chase away demons because they are in our heads. and we wander aimlessly seeking comfort where we may. and still it is elusive. times like these, what do we do?

Sunday, March 14, 2004

Puppy Love

I think I’m shedding. Hairs are falling off of me, they must be mine. Nobody else is here. I think I’m going bald. Hope not, I like my hair. Is it because of the heat? It’s so warm these days. Yeah, maybe that’s it. And ants! Out here in the garage they’re marching. I think they’re out for my blood. See? When one comes near the others follow. There’s so many and they bite everywhere. I can feel one crawling on my back right now. Don’t bite please. It hurts when they bite these little suckers. Wait ‘til you meander anywhere close to my mouth. I’ll eat all of you! Yeeeooouch!!! Hey!!! No fair. Argghh…It itches!! I…can’t…quite…reach…so far…down my…back.

Ach, I hate evenings. It’s oh so quiet. There doesn’t seem to be as many people around making noises. And the cars! There aren’t so many when the skies darken. It’s fun watching ‘em pass by. The noises they make! Vrooom vrooooooooom. There’s big ones, shiny ones, small ones. They come in different shapes and sizes. I saw one the other day, it was so colorful! The color of the sky and the sun making funny patterns all over! And shiny yes. Shiny. Maybe it’s new, unlike this one here in my garage. This one’s sort of banged-up a little bit. See? I can’t see my reflection as clearly. The sky-and-sun car should really pass by more often.

I’m bored. Booooring. There’s nothing to do at home. I wish I could go out more often. I used to before. It’s always nice to walk around grassy places. Running and hopping under the shade of trees with birds chirping. Sigh. I miss going out. I miss grass!!! Yes, green, soft grass under my feet. I even like the smell. Have you tasted ‘em? They taste funny at first, but you get to like the texture after a while. The ones near my house are ok, but there’s only a small patch. I want to go to the huge place we went to a couple of times before. But she won’t take me anymore.

She’s been so busy, she just passes by me these days, hardly giving me a glance. Sure, she touches me when I come close and greet her. A scratch here, a rub there. But She won’t play anymore. I really miss her. And her smell. I even miss her glowing toy. Yeah, sometimes she sits with me out here in my garage and plays with her glowing toy. At first it stank, but I got used to it after a while. The smoke that comes off of it is kinda cool. When a plume comes out I run and hop through it!!! And you know what? It disappears! Hahaha. Yeah, I miss the glowing toy too.

Hey, I think that’s her coming down the stairs. Yes! It’s her. I wonder if she’ll come play with me now. Oh no…I see the white fluffy cloth. I think it’s that time of the week again. I don’t mind getting wet and all, but…It’s such a drag trying to get dry. Well, there’s no escaping it. Here she comes.

Ohh….I guess I could get used to this. The shampoo smells great!! I didn’t like the old one. But this new one is fruity. Kinda like the yellow fruit she lets me have for dessert sometimes. Ohhh..yesss…I really love it when she rubs my belly like that. It feels wonderful. Ahh, it’s heavenly. Getting wet is a small price to pay for her to touch me like this. The water tickles though, when she pours it all over to get the suds out. Hey! Hey watch it!!!!!!! Argghh…water in my ear again. She really should be more careful rinsing.

Thaaats right..yeah…rub me dry. Hmmm! You missed a spot! Here, let me help you. I’ll raise my hind leg. There…ok rub rub rub. Ach. Thank goodness its warm now. When I first got here and she started giving me these baths, It was cold as hell! And the water was freezing! I hated it before, and I used to yelp and run all over the pink and white tiled room. He he he. I guess she got the message because not long after she made the water warm.

Ouch…why does she always want to carry me out? I..cant..breathe! My…chest…you’re squeezing…my…ribcage! Set me down here please? Yes…on the green carpet so I can rub my wet butt dry. Rub rub rub. Any minute now she’ll let me out the garage again. She always does. I used to sleep with her you know? But I guess I keep waking her up while she’s asleep. But I only wanted to play! After that she made me sleep near the sofa downstairs. I found a cool spot in a corner, so I didn’t mind. But then I always get spanked because I keep making a mess. I can’t help it! Chewing is fun!!! Paper is the best. It makes this really cool sound when you sink your teeth in…and you can it eat it too in case you’re hungry! But for now, it’s the garage I guess. Sigh. All alone again in a few minutes.

Wait...well she sat down the sofa. Maybe she wants my company? Yey. She’s looking at me funny though. Is something wrong? Can I come sit on your lap please? And rub me dry? Rub my tummy again please? Ahh…heaven! And my ears? Ahhhh!!! You smell great too! Did you shampoo like me? We kinda smell alike. Did you use my fruity shampoo too? I missed you sooooo much. He he he…Let me at your thumb!! I woooont bite too hard I promise! He he he…Let…me…grab your arm! Munch munch munch…your arm is so soft. Ha ha ha…I wont sink my teeth! See? Let me nibble juuuust a tiny teeny bit. Mwe he he he.

I missed you human. I missed you thiiiis big. See? Isn’t it fun when we play? I don’t mind that you don’t take me out so often anymore. But if you could take me to the big grassy place again, that would be really nice. We could walk and run and play on the grass like before! I’m not saying we go all the time. Just once in a while, that would make us happy don’t you think? Hey, what’s the matter? Why the sad face? Why is water trickling out of your eyes! Human! What’s wrong with you? Hey, are you ok? Don’t be sad sweetie. I’m here. Let me hug you. Everything will be A-ok! I know you missed me too but please don’t be sad anymore. Ok I promise to be a good girl from now on. I won’t eat your paper anymore. And I promise not to munch on your glasses again. And…and…I won’t soil myself. Well…not too much. There there. Runie’s here. Let me lick your cheek dry. We’ll be ok! You’ll see.