Thursday, May 29, 2008


Just now talking to three friends in Australia. Virtual drinking with Joey, she rants - "why aren't you here?" I say, "It's because I'm here not there." Oo nga naman. Isn't there a principle of physics that states an object can only occupy one space at time? Well. I'm a human being. Which means I am a subject. Isn't it possible that I maintain several subjectivities at a time? Which means, my being can occupy as many spaces as possible. It sucks being stuck in these interstices of time and space. Neither here or there. I feel like a ghost sometimes....haunting and being haunted by those whom I've left behind, those still waiting for me here. I have left and yet I have not arrived. Am I still on the plane waiting to land?

I miss my friends overseas. I miss M who's about to leave for Honduras. I miss G who's planning to take over the world from Madrid. I miss H who's looking to stay in Australia. I miss A who has (thankfully) settled back well in Indonesia. Above all I miss J. You motherfucker you. I still have you on replay. Stop being so smug. I will get over you one of these days. In the meanwhile, please don't tell me about your new conquests. Like your parents, I'd prefer to think you'll be forever innocent 'til you get married.

Dammit. L has been back from Valladolid since October. And still she feels as I do. Haunted by what she has left behind. Is this truly the postmodern condition? One thing to read about it. One thing to live it. Fragmented beings in fragmented spaces. So many of us scattered all over different time zones. Making money in one....investing in another. Making a living in one....saving up in another. Existing in one....dreaming in another. An object can only occupy one space at a time. An apple. A lamp. A chair. But humans? Are we turtles carrying with us all that we are, all that we do, all that we need and all of our lives on our backs?

Forgive the drunken rant. The plane will land soon.

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