Friday, April 25, 2003

some insane quotes from Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, Iraqi Minister of Information...

"Who are in control, they are not in control of anything - they don't even control themselves!"

"We are not afraid of the Americans. Allah has condemned them. They are stupid. They are stupid" (dramatic pause) "and they are condemned."

"I can say, and I am responsible for what I am saying, that they have
started to commit suicide under the walls of Baghdad. We
will encourage them to commit more suicides quickly."

We have destroyed 2 tanks, fighter planes, 2 helicopters and their shovels - We have driven them back."

"We will welcome them with bullets and shoes."

"We will kill them all........most of them."

"they are nowhere near the airport ..they are lost in the desert...they can not read a compass...they are retarded."

"We will slaughter them, Bush Jr. and his international gang of bastards!"

"It has been rumored that we have fired scud missiles into Kuwait. I am here now to tell you, we do not have any scud missiles and I don't know why they were fired into Kuwait."

"We have destroyed 50 tanks today. That 5-ohhh tanks" [while holding up his fingers]

(this one i thought was especially hilarious)
"When we were making the law, when we were writing the literature and the mathematics the grandfathers of Blair and little Bush were scratching around in caves"

"Even those who live on another planet, if there are such people, would have condemned this action before it started"


mwahahaha this is an insane website. 'we love the iraqi information minister....hek hek hek... funneeeeeeeee. :-)

Thursday, April 24, 2003

if u wanna know a lit bit about me click on the link above.....i know i know..better late than never...
commenting system

well...i've added a commenting system to my blog....for greater interaction with the incredibly heavy traffic this weblog is getting. hehehe. well...just click on shout out and let me know whats on your mind. no need to fill in the email, aim, whatever stuff. just your name will do. merci! thank you.
my archives are back!!! thank god...well, i've actually gotten around to fixing it.

Thursday, April 17, 2003

chicken pox for the soul. all my family has left to enjoy the beautiful island of panglao. and i am stuck here. i guess my wish has been granted by an incredibly trippy God because he gave me a legitimate reason to stay. i am covered in lesions and blisters (vesicles) most of them are on my head, some are still on the way of popping out.

the first ones, incidentally, came out on the first day of the holy week, monday. the worst itching came thursday...and now, saturday, well, it looks like im on the way to recovery. my face though...still looks like one only a mother could love. i only hope i don't get scars. and no, im not being overly vain.

for sure, this is one holy week i won't forget. but i just know it...i feel it in my bones...god has some more tricks up his sleeve. i'll talk about jack tomorrow.

Thursday, April 10, 2003

i think i want to stay in the city. i dont want to leave, i dont want to spend any sort of time with my father, or my mom for that matter. i want to stay here in manila and enjoy probably half of the population gone. wouldn't that be nice? i just dont want to spend whatever sort of time pretending im having fun when i know i wont. i just cant say no to my mom, she always sounds hurt. might not look it, but she sounds it.

im so fucking horny i cant believe it. it must be the heat. and im tired of getting off by myself. my god...ill be 23 in a few months. and im still a fucking virgin. can somebody just up and shoot me? times like these you kinda lose perspective as to what's important and what's not. i don't wanna jerk off in my room all by fucking self. anymore! but im just not the kind of girl who would proposition just anyone. ive been half-joking with myself about propositiong rob, but i dont think he's that kind of guy either. plus, im attracted to him...but i dont think he's attracted to me. and he has his ex-gf issue. but hey, what the fuck its just sex right?

Wednesday, April 09, 2003

what to blog about today? archives are missing. i haven't looked into getting them back yet. i should...once this freaking paper is over. hehe...theres some massive plagiarizing involved here....well...i did cite the resources! im just tired of thinking for the moment.

got no word form rob. well, the last was him sounding down and out about his ex-girlfriend. he seems really hung up about her. i kinda miss talking to him.

looks like we're really set for bohol. i'd rather stay in the city...since it will be deserted for 4 days or so for sure. manila with no traffic! imagine that.

sigh. i need to finish this freaking paper.

Tuesday, April 08, 2003

this song is me. right now.

I cry

One day I met a precious soul
Whose words had touched my heart
His poetry resounded so
It tore my soul apart
But when I tried my thoughts to speak
Emotion made my mind so weak
And time stood still for years and years
I bathed him in my tears

I cried, I tried
Tears of joy tears of pain
I cried, I cried
Tears of love again and again

Some people turn to pills and things
To help them throught the day
To take them up or down or just
To ease the blues away
But me I really want to feel
The ups and downs of life so real
Happy or sad emotions reign
My tears flow just the same

I cried, I tried
Tears of joy tears of pain
I cried, I cried
Tears of love again and again

I cried, I tried
Tears of joy tears of pain
I cried, I cried
Tears of love again and again

Gonna turn so completely I leave no trace
Though so many out there would laugh in my face
For wearing emotion so close to the skin
Condemn me they might if to love's such a sin

I cried, I tried
Tears of joy tears of pain
I cried, I cried
Tears of love again and again

I cried, I tried
Tears of joy tears of pain
I cried, I cried
Tears of love again and again

------- lamb, what sound album

Sunday, April 06, 2003

heres another i just wrote real quick

lonely sunday

lonely sunday, lonely week
weakened spirit, weekend seek
inside yourself, a well of well-being
a need to dispel
lovers lost, lovers fleeting
lonely sunday, lonely morning
lonely evenings, weekend loss
to days of better waking
i wait fingers crossed.
lonely today, lonely tomorrow
sorrow, borrow me a smile
wake up thouroughly
waking a week inspired.
some poems i wrote loong ago

a light from her window flickers
from behind her closed lids, she sees
different colors, brilliant, bright
keeping her from her sleep
off she takes her sheets
up she stands on her feet
eyes trained beyond the frame
whats disturbing her she seeks
two hands open them wide
in rushes the wind biting cold
streaks of hair, coal on fair
skin shivers, she quivers
lightning flashes unfold.
mysteries open flame
future enters in a gust of wind
standing firm, standing tall
waking now and see the fall.

fears and riches

so rich a treasure
king's ransom i hide
in the deepest recess
of my mind resides.
keep it jealously guarded
close to my heart
to never let go
with which to never part
feelings of weakness
sometimes abides
sometimes takes over
n jealously cries.
what to do with this hunger
with the need to possess
keep the bird in the cage
lest it fly to leave nest
what weakness comes over
that takes over the heart
where goes the strength
that bind even apart
sometimes time heals
in others it tests
will time weaken
or follow through with the quest?
a great big adventure
a great story to tell
of a treasure i seek
in whose thrall i am held

first night

dark on light laying bright
oceans on skies
filming starlight on blaze
shine upon them, amaze
bathe bodies in colors
throught this night

play the movie in my head
make the memories, embed
keep close fleeting time
to trap in the mind

light the dark with this glow
of afterwards forever
make it show the way
make the night to day
forge the bond together

from rings to bells
of music to the ears
match angels with dreamers
twine daylight and stars
create bridges that span
at this point...i don't know who or what is controlling my emotions. myself or that other person.
sunday lonely sunday. why are sundays the worst? why does it feel, especially today, as though i was the unloved, unwanted. by anyone, but also by myself. it hasn't been this bad in a long time. not ever. what popped into my head...i've been 'sheltered' these past two years. sheltered by being in love with one person, and being loved by him even though most of the time we were fighting and arguing. all that time, i was sheltered. from rejection, from the feeling of being unattractive and unwanted. for that, im greatful to jerome.

now, suddenly, im asking myself all these questions. am i attractive enough? more importantly, am i interesting enough? smart enough? why am i having this crisis? why now? now that im supposed to be older and therefore wiser? and then i ask myself, is there something wrong with me that i don't have a whole lot of friends? why am i asking now when i've always been content with the friends i can count on one hand.

today i almost felt like breaking out of my skin. i felt like doing something i've never done fuck someone. damn. that i don't feel like myself lately is an understatement. maybe it was the high of last week, and the low of this one. maybe i'm on the downturn and can't quite recover. i'm suddenly so unsure of myself, so...discontent and restless and wanting. what is fucking wrong with me??????????
i've never humiliated myself for something i want. im not about to start now. although i'm very close to it. well...for my standards.

Friday, April 04, 2003

my one weakness has always been...i can never keep my thoughts so myself. really, i literally have to get them out of me or it will fester inside. it gets me in stupid situations more often than not. but here i am. sometimes i feel empowered by it because i think theres nothing more daring than complete honesty. but is there such a thing as being too honest? instead of being empowered, am i not leaving myself vulnerable too?

Thursday, April 03, 2003

well it looks like we're going away on holy week...yeah, family getaway wohoo. with my asshole father of course. i tried getting out of it, but mom wouldn't hear any of it. if its any consolation, jane is coming along. so me, her and bro could just....go our separate ways when we get there.

ahhh...another family make-believe-lets-pretend-we-dont-hate-our-father's-guts.

only consolation? the bohol beach club looks nice.