Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Crossroads

In "Castaway" the last scene has Tom Hanks' character standing in the middle of a crossroad. He had finally accepted having been stripped of his old life, and suddenly found himself not knowing where to go. This is what it feels like to be at that crossroad, moving towards a direction for so long, and then having to stop. What to do, what to do?

I have changed. And the only reason why I know this is because everything else I have left behind is the same. I do not want to have to wear the same old me. It is soiled and worn and unappealing. My old life, my old friends, my old relationships, my family's old problems, my old career. My ship has been unmoored for so long, I don't know where to drop anchor. I thought it would be easy, to put back on the layers of the old me. I thought it would give back the comfort of the familiar. It has not.

Has it only been two weeks? Maybe I should give it some time, to mourn the death of my old self. But the horizon is calling.

8 comments:

Jon Limjap said...

Does this mean you're more australian now than anything else?

sparks said...

jon,

i don't think it has to do with that. i just feel stuck. for the first time i'm considering moving overseas...anywhere! the job i was hoping for here didn't pan out. guess i'm disillusioned. but i'm giving myself time...maybe this feeling will pass.

Jon Limjap said...

Why let one little failure discourage you? Obviously that university didn't deserve someone your worth. ;)

I believe you're a strong person, sparks. You'll overcome this, and all will pass, indeed :)

erasmusa said...

i'm in a similar state, not sure about my next port of call. all the best.

kala said...

Jon's right - that university didn't deserve you. You have better, bigger and brighter things in store. Bon courage, ma belle! :D

Nightdreamer said...

You're too big (figuratively. Please draw back the tomatoes!) for that university.

I'm at a similar state, too. Now all I need is a snappy name that sums up what this state is like.

sparks said...

erasmusa,

when are you coming back?

kala,

thanks for the words of encouragement. nakakataba ng puso to know na hindi ako nag-iisa. hehe.

nd,

i have no problem teaching for peanuts for unis like UP. i would consider it community service. but really, its a matter of principle. like luis said, they must have a very rich board. nakakasuya.

erasmusa said...

back in pinas, awaiting a scholarship decision, which will determine if i'm returning to london. if i stay here, i'll try to crack the academe.