Saturday, June 11, 2005

Twenty-five and Counting

I'll be 25 tomorrow. That's right. The Big 2-5. Twenty-five. Two decades and a half. Twenty-fucking-five. I've been around for as long as certain furniture, certain buildings along EDSA or certain dinosaurs in the Senate. A quarter of a century I am.

What's it like to be 25? I feel fragile and old. Shouldn't I feel fragile and old at 75? Well, yes, but that is expected. Fragile is when you are uncertain of the future. At 75 at least you pretty much know where you're headed; permanent retirement. But 25 is when you're supposed to charter the course your life might take. Its at time where so many decisions need to be made alone. So yeah, forgive me if I feel fragile in my uncertainty. I could be making a muck of my life right this minute. I could fuck up my life for good with a string of wrong decisions.

I also feel old. 25 is old when you feel you can no longer party like you did at, say, 23. 25 is old when you cease to use 'carefree' in your vocabulary. 25 is old when your body can no longer take as much alcohol and still stay up straight enough to make it to the toilet as it did when you were, say, 19. 25 is old when you physically can't stay up long nights, and when your body is more prone to aches and pains. 25 is old when you can no longer drink as much caffeine and inhale as much tar and expect not to have heart palpitations. 25 is old when the girls start heading south and when laughlines start making an appearance.

25 is old when you no longer have time to see old friends, and when you do all you've got in common is a shared past so all there is to do is reminisce. 25 is old when you see your own mother's mortality. 25 is old when you know the meaning of bone-tired. It's old when you know life can only get harder.

So yeah, I'm not particularly happy to be turning 25 tomorrow. It doesn't help that fuckers who like to call themselves leaders of this country are trying their damnedest to drive us all into the ground. Turning 25 is hard enough in any setting. Try turning 25 in the Philippines.

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