Monday, June 16, 2003

this blog is a cry for help. its the last resort before i drive myself insane. from everything, from feelings, from my personal dramas and turmoil. this blog is a release.

im afraid im an addict for emotional pain. why do i keep seeking it? why do i keep seeking out no-future relationships? is it because subconsciously i know it wont work out anyway, so in the end, im still safe? regardless of me beating myself up, regardless of the wasted time, regardless of the it worth it?

they say loving someone is the ultimate expression of loving yourself. its loving yourself through someone else's eyes. have i truly ever loved? have i loved unselfishly? because i feel im a selfish person. if i havent truly loved someone else...then i must've never truly loved me. why am i so unforgiving? do i feel i dont deserve to be happy? im sick of being alone. and im sick of running around afraid to have my heart broken. im sick of me breaking my heart first before someobody else does.

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