my brother just hurt me. he's never physically hurt me before..well, not since we were kids. but he's not a 8 year-old kid anymore. he's a grown 20 year-old man who just shoved me. if my back weren't hurting already, it probably wouldn't have hurt as much. but mentally, it hurt. that he would lay his hand on me in anger. it hurts even more because progressively, as each week, month passes by...i see more and more of my father in him. its totally fucked up, because the closest i've come to feeling hate for anyone is with my father.
what really really hurts is that i don't want my kid bro turn out like him. and i'm trying so hard to not see the similarities, but im already fucked up myself. even now, months since both my bro and i have seen our father, he's like this ghost hovering over us...coloring our relationship...fucking us up. still.