Wishy washy

I'm not used to him being indecisive, so when he is my reaction can be whatever is the opposite of generous. Last night he had casually brought up the idea of me joining him and his friend at CQ. I suppose I reacted sanely to the spontaneous idea - it was late and I was exhausted due to a long day, lack of sleep and a run on the treadmill. In the end I went, after we had a heated discussion (as they always turn out to be). I had capitulated after complaining that he wasn't giving me clear directions, to which he replied if I wasn't sure about directions I should follow my heart. How could I have refused him then? I was at CQ at half past midnight when I supposedly, accidentally bumped into him and his friend. There was less of a story-telling than I expected because his friend seems like a nice, simple guy who has not the cunning to see beyond the surface and the music was too loud to have a normal conversation.

I wondered then as I wonder now why it was that he asked me to join them. This was not the first time he brought up the idea. Before he had wanted me to come over to his place to watch Sunday's cricket match. Originally the idea was that I was supposed to be a friend from work who wants to learn about cricket and we were not to act like we were lovers. But last night we very much acted the part - to the point where I went home with him and his friend. He denies it, or is probably acting subconsciously - but he wanted to test the waters, to see how at least one person in his life would react to him being with another woman. I don't know this guy, but anyone with an ounce of observational powers would know that D and I are not casual acquaintances who just somehow hooked up by accident. It was the way he back against me when we were outside 711, inviting me to kiss his neck. It was how he laid his head on my lap when we finally got back to his place and sat chatting with his friend in the living room before turning in. I would imagine that this is something familiar lovers do, not casual acquaintances - hook-up or not.