Friday, January 01, 2010


The future has arrived. Now is 'when I grow up.' I wish somebody had said one should not wish to be something when one grows up. It implies an end point, a finish line. Well, here I am. And I am finding the race hasn't even really begun. A sound advice I would give my child one day, just be. Live, be present. The future will unfold as it will.

I went over my old posts to compile a 'best of' list and laughed my head off at some of the things I've written. How I love being the drama queen. The star of my tragicomedies. Much of it is anxiety I think. Always anxious about the future. What did I learn in 2009? To let go. I have mixed feelings about this though. I am losing some of my urgency. This must happen now. I have to do this now. Urgency makes one feel every little thing is important. And now? Not everything is important. I am losing the immediate. I wonder what will replace it.

Time is slower these days. The seconds ticking by without reason. I feel ambiguous, for the first time uncaring. The future has arrived and I am feeling blah.