Yes, there are plenty of idiots on the internet

You know it, I know it. And having to deal with them is an unpleasant, time-wasting, sometimes hilarious experience. Since I am an ebayer, and Ebay Philippines is growing by leaps and bounds as I write this, I have been dealing with more and more morons.

Case in point, this kid in Cebu wants to purchase a pair of shorts for P199:

Kid: can u use ocs as the courier?can i pay u thru gcash?

Now it clearly states in the item description that I only accept bank deposits as payment. Or cash upon pick-up.

Me: I can only ship through 2go or air21, payment through BPI deposit. Kindly read the item description carefully for other instructions. Thanks.

Kid: may i know ur shippng rate for cebu?

Again, the item description indicates P90 for shipping to the provinces.

Me: Shipping to Cebu costs P90. You have to bid on the item first to complete this transaction. Thanks. Oh, and by the way, since you're in the province, BPI will charge you P100 for interbank deposits. Your total expenses will be the skirt + shipping + BPI charge.

Kid: really?!so i will b paying more than 300 for a used shorts? =(
no discount? =(

Ebay is not a tiangge. But some folks like to think so.

Me: Sorry no discounts. Too bad you're in Cebu.

Kid: excuse me?!i was born here& i love this place & vry mch proud of it.
i wudnt mind if i had 2 pay 4 the shipping!!ur d only prson dats not considerate enough 2 accept for a 5% or even just 20php dscount (esp if theres a bank charge)

At this point, I surmised I am dealing with a 12-year old.

Me: When I said "too bad you're in Cebu" It wasn't meant as a derogatory remark. I meant it means you will be incurring extra charges as opposed to being in here in Manila where the skirt is. I love Cebu. I am often there because my boyfriend works there.

In any case, nobody is pressuring you to buy the skirt. You needn't buy anything. Ebay is a bidding system, which means the highest bidder able to comply with seller policies will win and purchase the item. Some sellers are more than willing to give discounts. I, however, peg my starting price at the lowest possible amount I am willing to afford.

I suspect you're a newbie. I suggest you read Ebay selling and buying policies to avoid unecessary...hassles both on your part as buyer and our part as traders. Thanks.

Kid: my gosh!!!who are you to explain to me about eBay???!!!! (no one dats not as smart as you shouldnt enter?) i aint no dense being, u know.

(if u were in the states, ppl wud smack u silly)
the charge for mnila & cebu is not large compared to the intrbank charges wc i know the extra cost is 100php. more than the shipping rate, right???
i know i needn't buy anything on ebay, you dont control my financial expenses, its just when u said that "remark" too bad you're in cebu, of course anyone will think it as odious. you should have said something about the bank (it isnt reasonable,etc) coz i couldnt agree with you more.
so PLS watch what u say next time.
thanks too. =)

*you probably work at a call center or a computer company since youre in front of a pc 24/7.

Now it is a Sunday and I am relisting all my items. This exchange of e-mails lasted for about an hour. I was tempted to respond again, but I was afraid any caustic remarks might fly over this kid's head.

Nobody tops this other dude/lady (I don't know for sure because his/her nick is perdro). S/he won 3 e-books for P45 total. Mode of payment is simple enough: Smart pasaload.

Me: You won all three Robin Schone ebooks. Kindly e-mail me for details.

Perdro: okay give the me the details i want 3 free ebooks not recipe pls. after i pay u pasaload okay

Recipe? Huh????

Me: Mode of payment: SMART Pasaload.

3 ebooks x 15 = 45

Key in (my cell) space 30 and send to 808
Key in (my cell) space 15 and send to 808

I will e-mail you the Robin Schone e-books this evening when I get home after I receive your payment. Thanks.

Perdro: send me na lang yung globe mong cell i will pay tru globe auto load na lang.

Perdro: i just send u load of 15 pes so send me first the lover ebook okay afterwards i will pay the three e books tommorow after i get load on my cell okay

After winning an item, a buyer is given 1 week to complete transactions. At this point we are on our second week. Still no full payment of P45 freaking pesos.

Me: I just e-mailed you The Lover early this morning. Its a txt file, you can open it with Notepad.

Perdro: mayron ka bang globe cell i am using kasi globe not smart i am just using my brother cell smart just to pay u if u have globe i will pay the other 2 ebooks i own u okay

Me: It clearly says SMART on the mode of payment. Maybe you can ask a friend or a family member to give me the pasaload.

Actually, dapat nga nung isang linggo mo pa nabayaran ang 3 e-books na pinanalunan mo se Ebay, at sabay-sabay ko na-email sayo. Na-outbid mo pa yung isang tao na gusto rin nung e-books. Pero sige lang. I should've given you a negative feedback already, pero ano ba naman yung 15 pesos di ba?

Perdro: okay just wait ka lang punta ako sa tindahan namin para pay sa iyo ng smart so just wait kaya lang hindi maganda ang ebook mo gusto ko sana nasa pdf format siya kaysa sa text lang siya at mahal pa. sa iba ay 5 pes lang kagaya ni ebook cafe at sabi niya ay kung gusto niya bilin ko lahat daw ng kanyang ebook na lisa klepyas, june devahaux at stephen king na 300 pes lang na 75 lahat ng kanyang ebook kaya lang gusto niya ng g-cash kaya hindi ko siya nabayaran okay anyway puede bang ililipat siya sa adobe file yung ebook mo . so just wait kana lang okay at wag na wag mo ako bibigyan ng negative dahil ikaw magkakaroon din ng negative okay sabi ng ebay kapag meron kang 4 negative ay hindi ka na puede magbid okay kaya ingat ka sa pagbibigay ng negative okay thanks

Me: Kindly read the indications first before bidding. It clearly says on the item description that the file is not a pdf. As regards the price, no one twisted your arm to bid on my ebooks. As of the moment I believe I am the only one offering the Schone copies at the lowest price. But that's really beside the point.

I have absolutely no problem if you decide to forgo purchasing the other 2 ebooks. Like I said, what's 15 bucks?

In case I'm not making myself absolutely clear: you don't have to purchase the 2 other ebooks. It's completely fine with me. Let's just call it quits while we're ahead won't we? Para wala nang sakit ng ulo.

Perdro: okay yes sure but no bad fedd back okay lets forget the two ebook okay but if u really cant wait for the payment okay so be it kasi palagi ko nakakalimutan yung no. mo kapag lumalabas ako para mag load nang globe ko see kaya hindi ko malagyan ng load ang celphone mo ng 30 pes okay so if u want to end okay but dont give me neg.feed back okay but just give one positive fedback para sa lover ebook i pay okay thanks but if i got load i dont promised but if i got load i will pay my utang to u see suwerte ka nga yung iba ayaw magbayad ng load hindi sila nagreresponse sa mga email ng seller see ako i am always response sa mga seller see thanks

At this point I am ready to tear out chunks of my anit. After a few days Perdro sends me the rest of the pasaload.

Perdro: there i pay 30 pes load now send me the ebook i bid on u okay plus i want some freebie ebook not recipe okay plus my fedback all three of them okay

Ano daw?!?!?!?