Tuesday, November 18, 2003

love story

im putting my hair up, i took a shower bout an hour ago, and its still wet. ive been deciding the whole afternoon whether to go somewhere or not. i was wondering whether to go to church, after all its only about a 10 minute walk from the house. but im afraid ill get the same feeling i do when i enter a place of worship. a feeling of...a little bit of hollowness.

i wish i dreamt of him last night. but i didnt. if i did, then i dont remember it. but when i woke up, my usual morning ritual of thinking about him kept me in bed, my eyes closed but my mind awake. i wondered how his day went, i wondered what he thought about, the things he saw, the people he spoke with. i wondered if he ever rides the metro. i dont think i asked. because ive pictured us, together in the metro, in one of the train cars. going home from somewhere. im wearing a skirt, like i know ill want to wear for him, to show off my legs, lol. its short, maybe a little too short, but he doesnt mind. the train car is full, its the afternoon rush. and we squeeze in. obviously, there are no more seats, and we were content to stand facing each other squashed in between other people. we look at each other and talk, bout how our day went, how fun it was, although, my mind never quite got into details as to what the conversation was about.

the train is shaking, moving from left to right as the winding tunnels turn, our bodies sway with the movement too. someone bumped me from the back and i press closer to him. he looks at me and smiles, i smile too. it was warm in the train car, but it was warmer in the places where we pressed against each other. we're still talking, and im looking at his lips, fascinated by the way theyre moving. i probably tuned out of what he was saying, it was all probably just sweet talk, but im concentrated on how his lips are moving. i wanted to touch them, and touch them with my own lips. to see if they're as soft as they look like.

a lady on his left side stood up, and a seat was freed, he hurriedly sat on it and he pulled me to sit on his lap, sideways, since i am wearing a short narrow skirt. he puts his right hand on top of it, on my lap, to keep it from inching up. and his left he places on my back. i have my right arm around his shoulder, at the back of his neck, my left on top of his hand on my lap. we're still talking, oblivious of the people around us. theyre so quiet, and it seems our voices filled the car. but we didnt care.

im running my fingers to and fro, on the back of his hand. his hand seems so big compared to mine. big and dark and strong, and those fingers. his middle finger somewhat bent. lol. but i caress that too. he keeps his hand on my lap, telling me to sit still because im swinging my legs again. he said to stop it or my skirt will inch higher. i just smile. but i stop swinging.

i lay my head on his shoulder, i said i was tired, he said he knows. i asked him if i was too heavy maybe i was making his thighs numb. he laughed and said its ok, i like u sitting on me. lol. i laughed. our voices were more quiet, almost whispering, but it seemed loud in the car. why werent the people talking??

i move my head a little higher, so i can smell the skin on his neck. he doesnt put on cologne, but i love the smell of his soap. i inhale deep then exhale. he says to stop it, it tickles. lol. i laughed. i still inhale, but not so deep, so i wont tickle him. i move my head a little closer and touch his neck with my mouth, making talking motions with them but not making a sound. he asked what r u doing? i said, i just wanted to feel ur skin with my lips. u smile, but ur hand is moving up and down my back now. and u move ur head a little to the right to shield what im doing to u from view. but it seemed no one was paying attention anyway.

i flick out my tongue a little bit to taste...tastes a little salty. lol. but i lick some more. u laugh quietly, but u dont say anything this time. ur hands just move...slower on my back. and ur right hand on my lap is turned up to twine ur fingers with mine. and u breathe a little faster, more shallow. im thinking, am i turning him on? lol. my tongue is making little tiny circling motions on his neck. i wanted to bite right into it. so...i did. just a little nibble. i open my mouth wider and my teeth squeeze, not too much, because i dont want to hurt him. but enough so he'll feel it. hes not laughing anymore. my mouth is completely open, pressed against his neck, my teeth biting him, my tongue flicking out to taste. lol. am i driving him mad i wondered. but he couldnt do a thing, since we were in a public place, with a traincar-full of strangers.

lol, heres the train stop...seemed to take forever to get here. everyones rushing out the door, eager to go their own separate ways, eager to go home maybe. but he and i are in no hurry, we wait for the car to empty, we didnt have to wait long. i stand up, and he does too. we're smiling into each others eyes. i use the back of my hand to wipe at his neck. lol. i made such a mess on ur neck sweetie, i said. we step out of the car, but hes making me walk in front of him, his hands placed low on my hips. i wondered why. lol.

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