Saturday, November 22, 2003

it is 2.46 am. i cannot spend one night without having my subconcious rise up and slap me in my sleep. all it takes is one dream to remind me of all the hurting, all the resentments, how deep the old hurts lie. the pain is so real it has made me want to get out of bed to write.

i am taking this as a sign. my suboncious' way of self-preservation. it must be something important, for my own self to stop me from heading down another pathway of self-destruction. all the warning bells are ringing. so loudly i cannot go back to sleep upon the abrupt way i have been wrenched out of slumber. waking with a start, my heart pounding in urgency. it is probably wise to take the hint from the nightmare.

it is telling me, there is no such thing as an innocent conversation. it is screaming at me, even though you miss him nothing has changed, it is telling me, even though he says he misses you it means absolutely nothing, it is imploring me to realize, i cannot possibly survive another heartbreak again.

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