Monday, October 27, 2003
fucked up dream last night. i swear my mind and soul must be doing battle with evil. or it just mirrors my crisis in my faith. i went to mass sunday morning. the first time in about a year. i went alone and i cant say it was one of my best ones ever. i suppose the healing feeling will come in due time. i cant expect it to return asap.
then this morning i dreamt of the devil. my brother was possessed and he was in this house. across from it was a church. me and some of my friends went in to look for a rosary. it was late at night, and i was relieved it was open. there were seminarians and a priest. we sat down on the pews and started praying the apostle's creed. then this absolutely terrifying, deep, inhuman voice joined in with us. then something started stroking my head and neck. then i woke up. it wasn't a dream. more like a nightmare ! :-/
i remember thinking, if there's a devil, then there must be a god right?