its been raining more or less nonstop for the past 4 days. the change from summer to rainy season has been abrupt to say the least, one day you're sweating like a pig, then you're knee-deep in flood water the next. the roads are literally melting...potholes everywhere. the quality of philippine asphalt leaves much to be desired.

i caught a student cheating today . he had a small piece of paper with a conjugation table on it. i feel, pretty betrayed as a teacher, as an educator. maybe a bit disappointed as well. have i done everything i could? have i taught the lessons to the best of my ability? well, i guess the answer to that is...most of my students are doing well. i made him a reviewer for crying out loud! this is what i get in return. and this is the same student whose excuse for being absent one time was coz his grandfather had stroke. yeah, very original.

when you're young and you do stupid things like cheat on an exam, it doesn't occur to you that mostly, you're cheating yourself. doesn't it reflect badly on your character? its not just a question of lying to yourself and to other people, but its a question of honesty and integrity. well, i'm filing a report to the assistant dean, then it's out of my hands. i only hope he learns something from this.

the website that can read your mind....lol, well try it and see if it works...

i am a hierophant.

i have been told, a few hours ago, that i am destined for greatness. i still don't know whether to believe the lady who read my future through tarot and my hand writing. i never expected to be 'read' my fortune. i didn't expect or seek it.

i woke up today doing my usual stuff, prepared to leave for class, went to class and did the last lesson (faire, acheter) and gave boinks her third long exam in advance. my mom had asked me yesterday if i could drive her today to go check on her...treasure seeking. we got back here in manila around 6. when i dropped mom off the office a lady and a young man were waiting for us. i didn't mind them, i thought they were one of my mom's friends (she has many). i was about to leave, i just got my cds from mom's car, but she called me back in the office.

i went in, and the lady asked me to write my name. and so the interesting hour and a half began. she got my personality mostly right. i would say 9 out the 10 things she said was correct. she said im an air sign which means i could deliver the news or be on the radio or even be an actress. she said i had fame in my future. my mom is fond of having her fortune told and a previous teller told her one of her children would be famous worldwide. back then, i assumed of course, that it would be me. :-) well...this is the second (or is it third?) psychic who has said so.

then she said people run to me for comfort and that i carry their load. fits my personality enough. thats why i fear weak people, because when they come to me and seek my help, i cant help but...grieve for them, feel their pain for them, cry for them.

then came the interesting part. she said i was destined for something she couldn't wrap her head around. something great. she said my table would be always full and i would always have people around. she bowed her head for a second then she said, i could be a politician or an ambassador. well, she hit my aspirations on the spot. i was amazed to say the least. i looked incredulously at my mom and asked her if she said anything to the teller about me. mom said no. again, i was so astounded i was laughing. she said i would do something to change the world (in not so many words), and that i would do it through diplomacy.

im not a believer of fortunes. i've always been skeptical of them. so most of the time i was just quiet, listening to her tell me who i am, how i am and what i will be. how could she have it the nail on the spot?

she told me all the things i aspire to be. a civil servant, not just of this country but hopefully, of the world as well. and the way i would be when i've reached my so-called aspirations, just, grounded, focused, strong, determined, principled. it sounded good to my ears, and the way she described me fit my personality so well. how could she have known?

has this been sent to me as affirmation? since for some time i have been looking for signs, am i on the right path? am i headed anywhere at all? is this...a marker sent from heaven to show me the way? to guide me?

the way the teller described me fit my messianic tendencies so well. to save the world. i've felt this for some time. ever since i started college. but so what? every other idealistic college student must feel this at least once in their college life right? the question in my head has always been...how??

im not closer to finding the anwers, nor do i seek them. she said, i will be guided, and my paths will be laid down for me. she said i was an old soul, i can buy that. she said, i was reborn/sent back to earth, to do something...a mission. it sounds so much better in tagalog. "meron kang ganapin."

and so...whats the lesson from this experience? i don't know. half of me is very much skeptical. especially when she said i could be an actress bit. and all she said were positive things, things i wanted to hear. do they have a rule not to say the bad stuff? maybe so. but the other half, the spiritual one, the intuitive one, is telling me this could be one of god's signs...one of...whatever higher power's markers..guiding light. showing me to continue on my path, to trudge on..and not to give up.

so, i am a hierophant. apparently, destined to sit on a 'throne' (which is interpreted to be a high postition..somewhere) but my feet would be firmly placed on the ground, and i will wear other people's shoes. once in a while i will leave my throne to mingle with the 'people.' to experience ordinary life, to be one with those 'below' me. i am to be a peacemaker as well.

oh, and i asked (secretly) if things between me and my father would ever be fixed. the cards' answer? i deserved it.

taken from learn tarot:

Except in rare cases, every human grows and develops within a culture. We learn by living with others. The Hierophant represents such official learning, especially in groups. A Hierophant is someone who interprets secret knowledge. On Card 5 we see a religious figure in a formal church setting. He is wearing the elaborate vestments of his office. His task is to bring the two initiates into the church so they can take up their appointed roles.

Besides churches, there are schools, clubs, teams, companies, and societies. The Hierophant represents all of these because his realm is structured groups with rules and assigned roles. Such environments emphasize belief systems - facts, rules, procedures, and ritual. Members are rewarded for following conventions. They develop a group identity. The Hierophant is one of three cards that focuses on the group. (The 3 of Cups and the 3 of Pentacles are the others.)

In readings, the Hierophant often represents learning with experts or knowledgeable teachers. This card also stands for institutions and their values. The Hierophant is a symbol of the need to conform to rules or fixed situations. His appearance in a reading can show that you are struggling with a force that is not innovative, free-spirited or individual. Groups can be enriching or stifling, depending on circumstances. Sometimes we need to follow a program or embrace tradition, other times, we need to trust ourselves.

ok, im going to start experimenting so...bear with me...

i only recently found out i can actually put images and photos on blogspot using other free image hosting sites!.....duh...ill get around to adding photos one of these days. nyehehehe.

i just spent the evening with my mom. i so miss her. but when we're together we don't really have much to talk about. i guess, as one gets older, s/he realizes how little s/he has in common with her parents. my mom and are entirely different from each other. she thinks im too serious. well, i grew up in a serious household. i've never viewed my mom as specially gay and happy. in my eyes she's always been intense and focused. but her friends seem to think she's fun. ah well...maybe its the age gap.

why is it that as people grow older they're stripped of all the idealism and trust they had as younger people? why does getting older mean losing trust in the innate goodness of people. if there is such a thing. why do i find it so much more difficult to make friends? because im instantly on guard for hidden intentions, because i believe, deep inside, that when someone speaks to me, they want something in return. something, that i might not be willing to give on my own terms? why is it, that at the back of my head, i feel, people are out to get something from me? and why am i so afraid?

hell, maybe because each time i give someone, and myself, a chance, i end up getting burned. does meeting a true friend mean having to go through..a hundred assholes? a hundred more screw-ups? why can't things be easier? why can't meeting new people be easier? why can't i be...easier? on other people, and myself. all these expectations.

a little bit of filipino humor.....

Refresh your Tagalog and have fun!??????? Enjoy!

ice buko - Is my hair ok?
calculator - Tawagan kita mamaya
protestant - Tindahan ng prutas
statue - Ikaw ba yan?
predicate - Pakawalan mo ang pusa
dedicated - pinatay ang pusa
aspect - Pantusok o pandurog ng yelo
deduct - Ang pato
defeat - Ang paa (ng pato?)
detail - Ang buntot (ng pato?)
deposit - Gripo (Call DIPLOMA if DEPOSIT is leaking)
city - Bago mag-utso; A number to follow 6
cattle - Doon nakatila ang Hali at Leyna
persuading - Unang Kasal
depress - Ang nagkasal sa PERSUADING
defense - Ginamit ng mga pangsulat sa kontrata sa PERSUADING
it depends - Kainin mo ang bakod
shampoo - Bago mag-labing-isa (11)
delusion - Maluwang (kapag maluwang ang damit, eh DELUSION)
delivery - Walang bayad. Kapag working lunch, eh DELIVERY na ang tanghalian
profit - Messenger of God
profit - patunayan mo
balance Sheet - What comes out after eating a balance diet
backlog - bacon?? chaka egg
beehive - magpakatino k a
cdrom - tingnan mo ang kwarto
debug - ang ipis
defrag - ang palaka
defense - ang bakod
defer - ang balahibo
deflate - ang plato
detest - ang eksamin
devalue - 'yon ang susunod sa letrang 'V'
devote - ang boto
dilemma - brownout, a!
effort - 'dun nagla-land ang efflane
forums - apat na kwarto
july - nagsinungaling ka ba?
the sis - ito ay sakit
contemplate - not enough pinggan
punctuation - pera para maka-enrol
tenacious - footwear for tennis
devastation - dun sasakay ng bus

because he's been deprived most of his life, because his parents were uncaring and ultimately abandoned him, because he has no real friends, no real loved ones, because he lives alone....does that entitle him to be...more selfish? than say....myself since i've been more fortunate.? does that excuse jack from acting like the world owes him? like i owe him? is he deserving of my attention? and ultimately, my pity?

should i cut him off when its obvious he's after everything i have to give? expecting that i be more generous (picking up the tab) and in non-superficial ways...he expects that i spend most of my time with him. he always expects that i give in to his needs and wants. god....now he's starting to remind me of my father, who is the most selfish bastard i know.

oh and to those people who bother to read my blog....it would be really nice to hear from you...click on shout out thank you.

i haven't felt like writing lately. but theres been a lot that happened in the past week. here's a short summary.

1. monday i met with jack. he made a pass at me after promising he only had the best of intentions..as friends.

2. after a couple of days...i forgave him.\

3. we're still talking.

ill talk about the details when i feel like writing.