Saturday, May 13, 2006

Life to the Fullest

I don't know why, but it seems the older I get, the more fearful I am of the world. I'll be 26 in a few short weeks and I know life sucks and can only get worse. "Life sucks" is so banally vague. But doesn't it? They say youth is wasted on the young, I say no. Youth has its place in your cycle of existence. Youth is recklessness and ignorance combined, and you can't possibly stay reckless and ignorant for life. Because if you do, then what does that make you? An idiot.

Because I am no longer ignorant, and was never quite reckless, then I am no longer young. I am old. Being old means seeing and realizing so many things despicable are out there. Being old means losing faith in others and in yourself. Being old doesn't quite sink in until you realize you're going to have to take care of your only living parent very soon. Your world flips on its head because in a few short years your mother, that being who has cared for you, sheltered you, put band aids on your wounds, will be your dependent soon. Its a scary, daunting thought.

They say live life to the fullest. I say, for us mere mortals, life can only be lived half-full. Because when you've lived life to the fullest, you can die. In the meanwhile, I have 40 more odd years to live each day as it drags on, filled with the banal and the mundane.

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